give love

Word from Uganda!

2010-03-18T23:14:00.007-05:00

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." --Romans 15:13

I have heard word! I have actually heard word from the mouths of my sweet children in Tororo! I am in amazement that I was able to communicate with them directly... and hear the sound of their precious voices. I am usually one to dis technology and how our advancements have made us impersonal and lazy; however, today I am rejoicing and thanking God for fast and convenient ways of communicating around the globe.

On our last day at Smile Africa, Kasifa (a 13 year old girl, cousin to Juma) gave a team member a cell phone number to reach. We weren’t sure whose it was or if it would even work, but after a few weeks of being home we decided to try calling. We used skype to call Uganda, as it's cheaper and seems to make clearer connections. When I called, an unfamiliar man’s voice answered, and I repeatedly tried to tell him I was looking for Kasifa, or Jowelia or Juma? Finally the children around caught on and came running… they were screaming and shouting and fighting over the phone. I could hear the excitement in their voices! After settling down I was able to talk to them each, though Juma hogged the phone most of the time. Juma was able to update me on Smile Africa and told me he was learning at school. He kept telling me, “I miss you so much! When are you coming back?” I can’t explain to you how much joy I felt in hearing their voices. I was overflowing with love because I could hear how happy and joyful they were. In that moment, God gave me peace and understanding. He was taking care of them all this time, and there was no need to worry. He will continue to fill their hearts with joy and hope.

In communicating with Juma, he informed me that Alapen was sick again. He wasn’t able to give me more details, but he described Alapen as withdrawn and not socializing with the other children. My heart aches in missing this sweet little boy, and many days I want to fly over, pick him up and bring him back home with me. Right now, I can’t do that, so instead I must trust that His Father is watching over him.

I was also informed from other missionaries that Nika (the malnourished baby girl who was adopted to live at Awenjo House) was also sick for awhile. I am uncertain of her progress? Unfortunately, the Ugandan parents taking care of the 20+ children were found beating them and were asked to leave. Awenjo House is supposed to be a safe, loving home for these children, so please pray that God sends devoted, compassionate servants to care for these children.

I’m not sure if I have shared any stories about Moses before, but I will try to give you a little background. Moses has been at Smile Africa for several years, and at first glance you think he is around age 1 or not quite 2. Moses is malnourished and unable to walk or even talk. His tiny limbs cannot support the weight of his bloated belly. He has a full mouth of teeth and a mature face, but no words form from his lips. In actuality, Moses is 4 years old. In our time at Smile, we did see improvement in Moses after putting him on a special formula and giving him extra attention. But Moses still has a long way to go. It is even thought by the staff at Smile that Moses has TB- of the bone? Most days Moses was brought to Smile by a sibling, but other days when he didn’t show we would go retrieve him to bring him to Smile to be cared for. There was talk of Moses’ mother struggling with alcohol abuse and neglecting her children, so in many ways Moses was lacking parental care. Yet I received word a few days ago that Moses’ mom has passed away, leaving him a true orphan. I am sad to know these children have lost their mother and now must fend for themselves in unimaginable conditions. I am hopeful that Pastor Ruth is finding care for Moses and has plans to house some of these orphans at Smile.

For some positive news: Chulu (malnourished baby girl sent to treatment in hospital) is continuing to make progress! She is a healthy little girl—she is busy walking and talking, playing and laughing. At one point during our trip we weren’t sure if Chulu was going to live, and now she is dancing her way through life:)

Luke is a child that was born with both male and female reproductive parts. In Africa, many of these children never get a chance- are rejected- and never understand what gender they are. However, Smile Africa was able to pay for Luke to have surgery this past week, and Pastor Ruth reported that everything went well and he is healing quickly! Pastor Ruth was excited to put him in boy’s clothes and give him a sense of identity. Please pray for Luke as he recovers and deals with the changes.

Lastly, during our stay in Tororo the team was extremely frugal. At the end of our trip we were able to give away what was left of our money. It was wonderful to be able to spend time with these people and this ministry, and then give based on the needs we saw. It was also comforting to know that our money was being left in good hands with people we trusted- people honestly serving God and His children. We were able to donate over $2,000 to Smile Africa! Pastor Ruth has informed me that the donation will be put towards building a room for the babies to stay in and to pay for a widow or young woman to care for them. We were also able to pay for our two Ugandan friends’ (Winnie 20 and Penina 17) Higher Education for the entire year. These young women could not afford school for the upcoming year and unable to finish their education... without an education these girls are limited and forced to live a life in the village with little say of their future. So thank you supporters for your contributions! Your donations reached far and wide and touched the lives of many in Tororo.

Oh and one more thing! My teammates and I left most of our belongings at Smile to be donated to the girls and women in need. Pastor Ruth sent me pictures today of many modeling their “new” clothes!!! They look as if they feel beautiful in something new and clean…

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.

~Psalm 30:11-12~

dirty little hands

2010-03-04T15:12:00.004-06:00

It has been difficult for me to want to write about being home. When I write it down it becomes more real to me that my trip is in fact over. Some days I don’t even believe I went to Africa- it all happened so fast. Let me say that I am excited to be home and to be surrounded by family and friends that love me. I missed my brothers. I missed playing with my niece. I missed sharing stories with my grandfather. I missed hugging my boyfriend. I missed knowing about the lives of my youth in Jackson. Yet in all the excitement of seeing loved ones, I really wanted to burst into tears for missing my children and the people in Tororo. As things began slowing down and the newness of me being home went away, I broke down.

Many days at Smile I had to step away and take a breath when I was being smothered by hundreds of children. I constantly had dirty little hands all over my body- hanging on my arms, holding on to my legs, touching my face, lying on my chest, clinging to my waist, pulling on my hair. It seemed like they couldn’t be close enough. It’s hard for me to imagine that ever being too much or overwhelming. Because right now I want nothing more than to have those little hands all over me. I long for them. My heart aches for their attention and affection.

In my transition back home I keep asking God what is next? I know He is not finished with me…we are only beginning. Although I can’t be in Uganda with my babies right now, I trust that God will lead me back there. During my trip I was dreading coming back to this society and the pressures that come with it- having to tend to responsibilities and making money to survive. I simply asked God to give me clarity and understanding of the next step. He is faithful. As I was getting ready to return to America He laid on my heart- Jackson, Tn. I always said I hated Jackson and after college would NEVER live there. That God is a funny guy…cause I’m doing as He says and moving to Jackson. Not sure what He has in store for me but I’m going.

I went to Lakeshore (A Methodist Camp in West Tenn) this weekend to speak about my trip to Uganda. I didn’t know if I was ready, but I said yes and went anyway. The theme of the 30-hour famine was relating physical hunger with spiritual hunger. In that hunger we experience emptiness—then desire—then fulfillment—then we share. I spoke about having a desire to go to Africa and how that became a calling that God asked me to fulfill. What I realized is in fulfilling His commands He in turn fulfilled me. I didn’t go to Uganda hoping to fulfill my own desires, but in stepping out in faith and giving everything to God He filled me with love, understanding, patience, wisdom, clarity, friendship- He fulfilled my spiritual hunger. I know that in missing my children and my heart aching for their dirty little hands I know that I did what God asked of me. “This is how we know we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands” 1 john 5:2. If we love God and follow through with His commands, He will take care of the rest. He will fill you with all you need to love His children.

My next step is to share. God is asking me to share my story and the things He showed me in Uganda. I don’t know exactly what that looks like yet, but He is faithful and I trust He will show me the way.

In missing my children God has revealed to me that He longs for my love in that same way. God longs for our dirty little hands to be all over him- pulling at his arms, touching his face and clinging to Him through His word and prayers. He never gets overwhelmed or needs a break- He loves us so much that we can cling to him always, and He will always fill us with love and affection in return. He wants us to feel as if we can't get close enough. He wants us to desire to know Him better. To not only use words to declare our love for Him but instead to act on it. Step out in faith and follow God commands. Go and fulfill His call, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Pray “that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith” 2 Thessalonians 1:11.
As I miss my children and am weary of where He leads me next, I am comforted that I can wrap my dirty little hands around God and cling to Him for strength.

I hope to receive an update from SMILE soon, but in the mean time I would love for you to be in prayer for my children and the staff at SMILEJ

home sweet home

2010-02-11T06:30:00.004-06:00

We safely arrived back into the country! We made it just before the bulk of the snow storm in NY- as soon as we got through customs and immigration we looked up to see all arriving and departing flights had been canceled. If we had been any later we wouldn't have been able to land at JFK. Thank God for allowing us to land safely in America and for giving us beautiful snow to come home to:)

Our bodies were in a bit of a shock coming from the hot sun of Africa to a blizzard in NY, but we quickly adjusted as we dropped our luggage off at AIM headquarters and grabbed a sled to have a few minutes of fun in the snow! Three days prior we were debriefing by a pool in Kampala, Uganda and now we are playing in the snow?

We are having a day of debriefing and rest here, and then hope to catch our flights home. We are praying that the roads and runway will be cleared by later this afternoon so we can reach our families! Please pray for my team and I as we go our separate ways and adjust to life back in the States. As a team we having to process leaving Africa, coming home to America, and leaving each other. Here at headquarters we were each given our own separate rooms to relax and rest; however, we all went straight into one big room and piled five of us into three beds! We aren't ready to be away from each other just yet. Its amazing how God put us together and created a family among us. I love these women so much and have grown close to them through this experience, so pray for us also as we leave each other. There are many people and things I will miss in Africa, but I am excited to see my family and friends in Tennessee! I can't wait to hug y'all!

Last day at SMILE

2010-02-11T06:18:00.006-06:00

Today was a difficult day. As soon as I arrived at Smile I could tell I was going to be fighting back the tears. I was already dreading four o’clock. The count down had begun, and I was limited to only a few more hours with my children. All day the thought of saying goodbye was breaking my heart.

I greeted Juma with a smile and “how are you? “ Juma responded, “Im bad. Today is your last day, so I am very bad.” Juma is a twelve-year-old boy and he is my best buddy. I haven’t shared any stories about Juma because I didn’t know where to begin. There are so many children and events I could share, but Juma is one of my favorite stories.

Juma is Mr. tough guy. He is guarded and hardened by the things he has seen in his life. His fear makes him defensive and aggressive towards others. He likes to be in control- in authority. He has no problem beating the children or shaming them in front of a group. He likes the children to feel inferior to him- it gives him power and makes him feel safe.

Juma is a true orphan. He lost both his mother and father at a young age. Juma lives with his grandmother and is forced to be a father figure to the children living with him. In first meeting Juma he shared with me his desire to go to America and be far from Uganda. Juma believes that America is as close as it gets to heaven. He thinks there is no pain, no tears, no crime, no evil in America. He once asked me if a snake bit me would I bleed? Would I feel pain in America? I tried to explain to Juma that America is far from perfect- that we too have poverty, sickness, death and destruction. I wanted him to be proud of Uganda and feel safe to live there. He then shared with me that he feared living here. He feared to sleep at night. He talked about men coming into his house in the middle of the night to come kill him and his family. I asked him why he thought this. Had someone told him this might happen? He said that it had happened- he said his uncle had been beaten to death by these men of the night. I asked him if he was there or if they had harmed him and he said, “they forced me to watch.” They had forced this 12 year boy to watch his only uncle- his only family- be beaten to death right in front of his innocent eyes. This is why my Juma lives in fear. This is why my Juma does not trust and does not let anyone in. This is why my Juma seeks authority and power over the small children because it comforts him- makes him feel safe.

Juma from the beginning wanted to know all about our team and learn about our culture and why we had come to SMILE. He was hungry for friendship and attention yet he struggled to let me into his heart- to love him.

Over the three months Juma and I have become close friends- he calls us best friends. He shares with me, he asks me for advice, he listens, he not only accepts hugs but now asks for them, he likes to just sit and talk with me. I have watched him grow and change over the past three months, and it is truly beautiful. I don’t think I mentioned, but Juma is also Muslim. He had a difficult time at first listening to any of us speak of God and his love of us. Yet I watched him be eager to sit in bible class and ask questions and desire to know more. I also watched his behavior change towards our team, his peers and the children at SMILE. On the last day at SMILE I just sat and observed him. I watched him break up two fights, help a crying child and give his banana to a younger child who needed it much more. He was once the one fighting and making the children cry, and now he was demonstrating kindness and love to others. I couldn’t believe the change I saw in him.

The week before departure Juma kept worrying about when we were all leaving. He asked everyday how many days we had left. We were walking home from SMILE and Juma told me, “I am scared.” I asked him if he meant sad, but he said no he was scared for what it would be like after we all left. He was so afraid that we would never see each other again. It was so sad because I couldn’t promise him that we ever would.

Before I knew it was the end of the day and time to say goodbye. I hugged my sweet Alapen so tight and didn’t want to let him go. It was difficult watching him walk away with no understanding that we wouldn’t be back tomorrow.

I also had someone explain to Maria that I would be leaving to go back home. She immediately was angry with me and resisted my hugs. I didn’t expect any different from my stubborn Maria, and I didn’t blame her for being upset with me. She had learned to trust me and now I was leaving her.

As we walked out of the gates at SMILE I had to watch all my children walk away. My Juma and the other boys just began crying. These tough 12-13 year old boys were sobbing and so was I. We stood at each end of the road and watched each other cry. It was the saddest feeling. Not just leaving but not knowing if I would ever see them again. The boys continued to stay around not wanting to leave. The team and I were staying at SMILE for a going away party the women and staff had put together. The ceremony was so sweet as they spoke about us and thanked us for time spent with them. They all gave us gifts….my favorite being the Kuku (a live chicken!) It amazes me how much they give even when they have nothing.

These relationships have enriched my life. They have made me a better person. They have helped me better understand the love and life of Jesus. We met with Pastor Ruth and discussed what we had seen in SMILE. By the time we finished it was 8pm and as we exited the gate I looked to my left and there on the side of the road was my Juma. He had been waiting all this time. Did they not want to go home? Did they not want the day to end? All we could do was just wave goodbye and again my heart broke. I already missed my boys- my friends.

As we drove away from Tororo, I had mixed feelings. Such joy from my time spent here. In a way I was so happy knowing how much I would miss the people here because that meant that I had formed relationships. I had fallen in love with these people and that is why my heart ached so much. As much as I am sad to be leaving, I am confident in the faithfulness of my God. He is the protector. He is the counselor. He is the friend. He is the father that never leaves his children. I can only hope that apart of me will remain at SMILE through memories, through stories, through relationships. I have hope that seeds have been planted that God will water and nurture and allow to grow and bear fruit.

While I am uncertain of God’s plans for me in Africa or whether I will be able to see my children again, I have confidence in praying, “May the Lord keep watch between me and thee while we are absent one from another.” –Genesis 31: 49

First day of school

2010-02-04T12:26:00.003-06:00

Holiday is over for the children, and dry season has set in. Its hot hot hot in Tororo- seems to get warmer every day! February 1 was the first day of school for everyone in Tororo. SMILE is not a credited school yet, but they offer Primary 1-3 for those children who can’t afford school fees or who would otherwise be on the street. Several children at SMILE have been sponsored by people or organizations and are able to attend school in town but come to SMILE for lunch each day. SMILE was supposed to begin on Feb. 1 as well but like most things in Africa- they are slow to start. When we arrived the teachers were looking for supplies, for books and pencils for all the children. It seemed like this was the first time anyone had thought about school starting haha. I don’t know why I was expecting it to be like a First Day of school in America.

The children were ready though! They are so hungry for structure and for learning. Some of them just went and sat in the classrooms and waited for something to happen. Many of these children value education so much and know it’s their way to a brighter future. In America many of us take for granted our education and the opportunities it provides.

So February 2 was the actual first day of school! I was impressed by their promptness, and I was excited to see them in their school routine. I felt like a mama sending all my children off to start school and taking pictures of their every move! Many of the children were dressed in their best yet others still come barely clothed (they can get away with that here) The ones enrolled in school down the street at Aturukuku came for lunch dressed in their cute little uniforms. Girls in their dresses or skirts and boys in shorts and sweaters (yes sweaters in this heat!) These children arrive and help the kitchen staff finish preparing the rice for all the other children. I found myself busy in the kitchen this week helping Mama Grace and Mama Catherine (my African mamas). I am amazed at how hard they work to prepare two meals a day for 400 children!

After lunch, I decided to sit in on a class to see what they are learning. I was happy to see dedicated teachers jumping right into lessons and exercises. At times I caught myself comparing school at Smile to that of school in America, and I have to remind myself of the circumstances these kids came from and that any education is beneficial and critical in their lives. Smile is doing great things in the lives of these children. It is a place of hope and a future for many who without it might not be able to survive much less thrive.

As we are preparing to leave Smile I am thankful for them starting school because it provides a nice transition. It doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye, but we have to be grateful for spending their holiday with them- playing, making friends and planting seeds for Christ.

a package for sister

2010-02-02T12:02:00.002-06:00

A few days ago, Evelyn the long-term missionary told me the team had some mail! There was a letter for someone and a package for Sister Elizabeth. I was like wow someone got mail! But who is Sister Elizabeth? We don’t have a nun or an Elizabeth on the team? Then it hit me that my name was Elizabeth. My parents were sweet enough to name me something I have never been called…so many times I forget my legal name. When I realized it was for me- I was so excited and immediately jumped on a boda boda to the post office!

I was so shocked to see that a package (a bulky envelope) had made it through! We were told that family and friends shouldn’t send packages because we would likely never see them. Many girls on the team were expecting several letters and haven’t seen them yet. So how did this beefy package make it across the world to me- without someone picking through it or just taking it?

The package was addressed to Sister Elizabeth Carkuff and marked Religious/Educational Material. The Return address read: Christian Community Fellowship with my home address following below. I was so confused? What was Christian Community Fellowship and why had my family addressed it as if I was nun? Haha. It is because they are geniuses!!

My parents had googled “how to get a package to Africa.” Disguising the goodies as religious material for a nun had worked! I couldn’t wait to get home and open it…I knew it had to be good.

Of all the sweet cards and yummy snacks, the best gift was the DVD hiding in the bottom of the package. Due to sporadic electricity my computer didn’t have enough battery power to watch it, but as soon as I got power I popped the DVD in- it was entitled “A Strange Christmas”. My family and friends were all apart of a virtual card telling me how much they missed me and how strange the holidays were without me…it was so sweet and so entertaining! My brothers spent so much time making the film- it was so ridiculous and so hilarious. They all enjoy putting on a show and finding creative ways to be thoughtful. It made me miss them so much though. It made me realize how blessed I am to be loved by my brothers- by such a wonderful, supportive family. For all of you who were in the film, it was so good to see your beautiful faces! Thank you for helping me see a little of home.

Living in Africa, God continues to remind me how blessed I am. How blessed I am to be healthy, to have education, to have food and clothing, to have been loved and cared for by my parents, to have this opportunity to be a witness for Christ. At times here in Uganda I have felt guilty for having so much- for having grown up so easy- so carefree- so happy. But I have learned to not think of having these things with guilt but as blessings that have enabled me to reach this place. Many people and experiences have shaped who I am and given me the tools to be here. I have been reminded this week of something that has been so important in my life and my future.

We had a class for the teenage girls at SMILE this week. We talked about the importance of hygiene and nutrition, but then we discussed the importance of purity and honoring God with our bodies. The class went so well, and it was interesting to see that girls around the world- no matter the country or the culture- they all struggle with the same issues when it comes to the opposite sex. All girls have questions and insecurities with boys, with their bodies and with love. Being with some of these young girls who have been abused or mistreated by all the men in their life just made me realize how blessed I am and have been growing up.

For those of you who don’t know, I am an only girl with four brothers. So it’s no surprise that I am a Daddy’s girl…have been and always will be. I have been blessed with an earthly father that I could always count on, who never let me down. Having such faith in my earthly father allowed me to develop a relationship with my heavenly Father. I had a wonderful example of a father here on earth so believing and trusting in my Father was much easier. His love has made me who I am.

I have been blessed with wonderful, handsome brothers who have always protected me. They kept a close eye and wouldn’t let me go far unless they were right behind me. My brothers respect me and adore me. I don’t think they realize how much they affected my life- how much they made me who I am. It’s because of their love and attention that I never looked for love from boys or in unhealthy ways- I didn’t need it. They too drew me closer to God and making a promise to Him to wait for a Godly man, a spiritual leader to make as my life long companion.

I have been so loved by the men in my life- its so important Daddies, brothers, uncles, boyfriends to show the women in your life adoration, respect and love that leads them to security and confidence.

The men in my life, whom I love with all my heart, are also not perfect. They disappoint and frustrate me at times. It is usually like pulling teeth to get them to tell me details and emotions they are feeling, but they are good to me. I just want them to know how much I appreciate their love and how important their love has been in my life.

I was once told, “Behind every good man, is an even better woman”J That woman would be my mom. So in saying all this about my boys, let me assure you that my mother is the rock. Several times on this trip I have said things and done things just like my mother would. Its crazy how much I am becoming my mother, and I couldn’t be more proud to say that. I can only hope to have her selfless desire to do for others- her compassion for people, her friends and her family. As I’m getting older I am realizing my mother’s wisdom and valuing her opinion (I know I haven’t always showed that). My mom has always supported me- even when I’m floating around dreaming of all I want to do. I appreciate that she supports the dreamer in me but keeps me grounded. My mom made the mistake of telling me, “You have the rest of your life to work, so don’t rush, go and figure things out.” I decided to listen to this one. She also told her children that, “Without a relationship with God, you will never be fully satisfied- you will continue to search for happiness and love that will only be temporary.”

My mom continues to inspire me to grow in my relationship with God, and I hope I can do the same for her. I have been blessed beyond measure with more than I deserve, and I thank God for my family and my parents for allowing me to be here in Africa.

In missing my brothers and family this week I decided to introduce American football to the boys at SMILE. If you don’t know, football is a big part of my family’s life and I have missed football all together so throwing the ball around was such a good feeling. Several of the boys took interest in learning, and I have already decided what position would fit each. I wish I could bring them all to American and stack Cascade football team with some new talent. I have really bonded with some of the boys here, and I am blessed to have new brothers! Check out my African brothers playing football…

Stubborn Maria

2010-01-29T12:52:00.006-06:00

Maria. Maria. Maria. Where do I begin with my Maria? There is so much to say about her- she is my stubborn girl who keeps me busy, keeps me laughing, and keeps me praying. Most of the time she drives me insane, but that is why I adore her so much.

In the first few weeks at SMILE, I noticed Maria immediately for two reasons. One, she was always causing trouble. Two, she is the only child at SMILE with blonde hair. She stands out with her dark skin and light hair because no one else is like her. One of my first moments with Maria was a negative one. I was helping with chaotic bath time, and I was doing my best to keep the girls in line and trying to regulate how many were crowded around the basins. There are always a few that want to stay at the basin all day long and play in the water and never leave or move out of the way for someone else. Well Maria is one of those. I had repeatedly told Maria that she was finished. I kept calling for Maria to come out but she refused to listen or to obey. Finally I went in for her and grabbed her hand to lead her out. She did not like that. She fought and pulled and kicked her way out but eventually I won. She was so angry with me for spoiling her fun. She just leaned up against the wall of the bath area and glared at me- she had the most evil look on her face. I knew then she was never going to like me- she would never trust me again. The more she pouted the worse I felt. I began feeling guilty and worried that she would stay mad at me forever.

Maria is a fighter. She is full of spunk. So its no surprise that she inched her way back up to the front of the line and tried to sneak back in for a second bath just in spite- probably hoping I would catch her. She is defiant. She is persistent. She is stubborn. And yes in turning my back for a second, she made it back in.

Maria didn’t come around us much at first- she just did her own thing- mostly terrorizing the other children. I spent a lot of time observing Maria, and I soon realized she didn’t have many friends. She was busy being the bully, and it was sad to see that she wasn’t laughing and playing with other girls her age. She seemed tough and guarded- like she didn’t trust anybody. On the outside she is a six-year-old spitfire, but deep down I felt there was so much more to her.

She got really sick with Malaria, and it became an opportunity for me to nurture her and love on her. She was resistant at first but soon warmed up to me. After babying her for a few days…she was ruined. She was attached and starving for attention and love. So this was the beginning of our relationship.

As I sit here and write about her I have a huge smile on my face because this little girl brings me so much joy! She is now my best buddy. She clings to my side. She has become so affectionate and loving- it still surprises me.

Maria has a trade mark- she communicates using only her eyebrows. She moves them up and down to answer “yes”, but she realized I loved it so much and now she does it all the time! She knows she can get away with most things when she simply raises her eyebrows. She is so animated and so dramatic. I hope that I am painting a picture of just how fun and full of life she is.

Everyone assumes stubborn Maria does not want love- but she is the very one who needs it the most. With time she learned to trust me, follow me, cling to me, listen to me, and obey me. At least I like to think so. On one of Maria’s more feisty days, she and a friend were fighting. I’m not sure who started what, but I saw Alima hit Maria. You just don’t mess with Maria- its not a good idea. Maria took off running after her to get her back..to make her pay. I managed to pull them apart and sit them down for a chat. I tried to explain how they are friends. Friends don’t beat each other- don’t hurt each other even when you are annoyed with one another. Maria put on her sad face and dropped her head. She looked at me with apologetic eyes like they were asking for forgiveness. Did I also mention that she is quite the actress? She could fake a cry to win an academy award, yet for some reason I actually thought she was listening to me and trying to obey me. As soon as I finished, she jumped up and ran after Alima. When she reached the poor girl, she grabbed her by the head and pulled her to the ground. Honestly, I just stood there and laughed. I wasn’t laughing at the poor girl screaming for her life as Maria sat on top of her. I was laughing at myself because I actually believed I was getting through to her. I was laughing at how easily she fooled me.

I was talking to Pastor Ruth about my stubborn Maria and how much I love her although she can be the thorn in my side. Pastor Ruth then informed me on Maria’s story and how she fought to live. She told me about how sick and near death she was when she arrived at SMILE two years ago. She was an extremely malnourished 3-4 yr old and had such a large belly that she couldn’t walk or hardly even move. She would just lay there and moan. She couldn’t even speak- she would just cry from pain and discomfort. With special food and lots of attention and care- Maria slowly got better. She fought to survive. I like to think her stubbornness saved her life. It’s hard for me to imagine not having Maria at SMILE. She has taught me so much about patience, obedience, and love. The world would be at such a loss with out stubborn Maria, so I thank God for her- for every part of her. I thank God for her eyebrows that she uses to win my heart. I thank God for her temper and strong will. I thank God for her passion and intensity about life. I thank God for her compassion and affection for me- for her bear hugs and kisses on the cheek. I never would have dreamed that the stubborn girl I pulled out the bathroom kicking and screaming would be the same little girl pulling on my arms and clinging to my legs begging me not to leave.

Is it love?

2010-01-28T12:58:00.004-06:00

Since we arrived at SMILE in November, I was drawn to the underdeveloped, malnourished and what seemed to be neglected babies. Two little baby girls in particular stood out to me as the most in need. Lamorae, who I mentioned in a previous blog about Banana day, has made improvements all around. In this short time I have noticed weight gain and an increase in energy and alertness. She seems happier and more interactive with the other babies. Nika is the other precious tiny baby girl who needs extra attention and love. However, Nika hasn’t made quite the improvements like Lamorae. Nika is still very thin and underdeveloped. She is around 16 months but probably the size of a 5-6 month old. We have noticed more energy throughout the day and an increase in stimulation, but still not enough progress.

We recently met some fellow missionaries in Tororo that are apart of an organization called IAM (International accelerated missions), and one of them felt called to build an orphanage on his compound called Awenjo House. He currently has about 20 orphans of all ages living there with a Ugandan Momma and Papa. They decided to come check out SMILE and visit the children. The IAM missionary felt called to take Nika into his care at Awenjo house. However, Nika is not an orphan. In fact, both parents are alive. Nika’s father left her mother, and now the mother has remarried. The father took the children but neither has much involvement with their children anymore as it seems. All that was needed for Nika to get proper care and love was to sign her over to Awenjo House. The mother came to SMILE and claimed to have no control over her children, so we sent for the father. Both of the parents sat down with Pastor Ruth and the Momma and Papa of Awenjo house and discussed the options. As we were all waiting to hear the decisions- I was looking at Courtney hold Nika in her arms, and I prayed that the parents would give her up and give her an opportunity for a better life. I was hoping for Nika to have a chance to grow and live in a safer environment- I could think of nothing else…until it happened.

Both Nika’s father and mother walked out of the office and right by their children- it all happened so quickly. Like that- they signed over their precious child. They gave her up in a matter of minutes. I was hoping for this to happen and then when it did my heart was breaking for baby Nika. It was difficult to watch her parents leave and watch her siblings, as they had no idea their sister was no longer going to be with them. It all seemed so quick. It seemed thoughtless- like she was an object to hand over. She seemed like a burden being lifted. We all just wanted to cry. My heart ached because I thought how unloved is precious Nika? How could her parents be so heartless?

Then I thought again. Could it be possible that all of this was an act of love? Nika is loved. Her mother and father do love her and realize they cannot care for her properly. Giving her a chance to survive IS love. Giving her a better life IS love. I do not know her parents’ hearts, but I do know that Nika is their child- the child they created. I would hope they would want nothing more than to see their child be cared for and loved. Even more important, Nika is loved by her heavenly father more than any of us can fathom. He is watching over her and caring for her always. He is the one giving her a chance to survive and grow up healthy and strong. He is her creator and protector and provider- He is her father- He will never leave her nor forsake her. That IS ultimate love.

As I watched this situation unfold, I watched the mother gather her things and with no emotion take Nika along with Momma and Papa of Awenjo House to get evaluated at the hospital. At first glance I judged this mother- I accused her of not loving her child. Who am I to know this woman’s heart? Who I am to say she wasn’t dying inside, ashamed, and heart-broken to be giving up her own baby. Who am I to say she isn’t thankful and rejoicing in the Lord that her baby now has a chance to live--and live happily. Out of love, this mother sacrificed her child to provide for her a life she did not have the means to give. I will never know the motives and desires of this woman’s heart and it’s not of my concern. What I do know is that God showed me an act of love. He has given Nika hope and love. Awenjo House can give her so much and I am hopeful in hearing of her progress!

good to be home

2010-01-17T13:47:00.001-06:00

It’s so good to be home in Tororo. Traveling was full of adventure, but its nice to be back to familiar faces and places. I couldn’t wait to just be settled again and return to SMILE and see all my beautiful children!

What a homecoming it was! As soon as the team entered the gate, we were met with hugs and hands all around. They were shouting our names and jumping- they were so excited we had returned. It felt so good to pick them up, squeeze them so tight and kiss their cute faces. I felt so much love.

I have been asking for prayers for all my children especially those dealing with illness. Thank you so much for your continued support in praying, and I know many of you are wondering if there have been any improvements or changes.

My sweet Alapen recovered from Malaria, but after Christmas he became sick again with some kind of respiratory infection. He had a mean cough and no energy at all, but we got him some medication and noticed improvements. However, while we were traveling this past week we got word from the long-term missionary that Alapen was very sick again. They thought it might be complications with Malaria, and a staff member at SMILE had to threaten his mother to take him to the hospital. I’m not sure how long he stayed there, but on Friday at SMILE he came walking in all alone. I was surprised to see him there and asked around if he had been discharged or his mother just took him out. No one seemed to have the same answer. In our clinic at SMILE Stephanie checked him out, and he seemed to be feeling better. I didn’t mind babying him all day and letting him sleep in my arms for several hours. I love watching him sleep- his eyes, his cheeks, his lips, his little hands- everything looked so relaxed- so at peace. My Alapen seems stronger today, but please continue to pray for his health and his mother’s wisdom and love for him.

Chulu (the malnourished baby) is back at SMILE and looking much healthier. I am not sure if she stayed for full treatment at the hospital either, but I can report that her swelling is down and she has gained weight. At SMILE we have separated the babies away from all the other children so that may get more attention, quiet sleep, and they are being fed a special formula mixed with milk instead of porridge and rice. Praise God for Chulu’s improvements- for saving her life. Pray that her body continues to grow and develop, and that eventually she will run and play with the other children.

As for Nerod (the malnourished 9 yr old), we haven’t heard anything. His mother never returned to the clinic, and Pastor Ruth hasn’t been able to find them. Please continue to pray for Nerod and his family- that God will protect them, comfort them, give them wisdom and strength.

I had briefly mentioned a young girl who has been struggling with abuse. While I don’t know her situation at home, I can report that her behavior and spirit at SMILE has improved. She seems so full of life and energetic! She no longer isolates herself but instead is playing and laughing with friends. Something is different within her- I can tell that when she is at SMILE she feels safe and loved.

There are still many dealing with sickness and everyday a new child tests positive for Malaria, so the health of the children is still a concern and always needs prayer. Yet these children have come a long way. In the two years SMILE has been in place, many of these street children came malnourished and near death. Many have overcome sickness and have grown to be healthier, happier children. These children have hope at SMILE. God is hard at work here.

Shia is my most recent heartbreak. Shia is a six-year-old boy with severe scabies. Because it has gone untreated for quite some time, he has open sores all along his arms and inner thighs that cause him physical and emotional pain. The sores seem to make him miserable and cause him embarrassment and shame. Many of the children won’t touch him or come near him, and at bath time he is stared at and made to stand all alone. It’s heartbreaking. What is so frustrating is scabies is so easy to treat…when you have the treatment. At this moment, the clinic doesn’t have anything and there is differing opinions on whether its scabies or not. My team feels knowledgeable about Shia’s condition, and we are in the process of treating him out of our own pocket. Scabies is common around SMILE because of their poor living conditions at home or on the streets. With medication, we can treat it and hopefully bring relief to Shia and others. Please pray for Shia’s skin to heal quickly and for his heart from the rejection and pain he has felt.

Now for a praise at my American home! On January 13 at 1:53 pm, a beautiful baby Carkuff was born into this world! My brother Jeff and his wife Jessica welcomed a healthy 8lb. 5 oz. 22in. baby boy, Jimmy Thomas Carkuff. I cannot wait to meet my handsome nephew when I return! My heart longs to be with my family during this exciting time, but I know I must put all of me into my Ugandan home- for my time here is limited.

A source of life

2010-01-10T13:12:00.005-06:00

The Nile River is indescribable. Uncontainable. It’s so magnificent- so powerful. The water rushes and surges with speed and incredible force. It is truly majestic. Its like nothing I’ve ever seen.

I felt so humbled being in the midst of this indescribable creation. I felt so small as we rafted through the crashing waves, yet felt so a part of God’s creation. Central Africa, “The Pearl of Africa” is a biologist’s dream. The land is so lush and fruitful with beautiful plants and hundreds of different birds. We did see a few crocs and a snake but far enough away to just enjoy seeing (at least for me). My rafting experience was enhanced by my surroundings- by nature- by God’s creation. As for rafting it was insane! I had never been before in the States, but I can guarantee these rapids are of a different level. I had a wonderful guide and great team. I don’t know if it was pure luck or mad skill, but we managed to have several close calls but no flips. That was until the very last rapid, the monster. If this tells you anything we had to get out of the raft and walk around the first drop because it’s a class 6 and much too dangerous. Yet we jumped back into the middle of this enormous and explosive surge of water. With fear and excitement we plunged in, and shortly after I looked up to see this massive wave about to crash on top of me. The rest is kind of a blur. I went toppling over bodies and paddles and was tossed through the water for a few long seconds. Then I came up under the boat. Thankfully the boat was flipped upside down where it creates pockets underneath and I was able to come up and take a big deep breath. Staying calm and relaxed I pushed my way out from under the boat and let the water carry me down river. My captain was yelling to swim towards the right to the boat, but it was so difficult going against the current- I kept being pulled left when I needed to go right. In time I made it to the boat safely, but struggled to pull myself in the boat from exhaustion. A teammate pulled me the rest of the way in, and we paddled with all we had to reach the other teammates and eventually the bank. We climbed up this steep hill and looked back on what we had come through- what we had accomplished. I just stood in awe of God’s work.

We are in Jinja for an A.I.M. Conference. It is a vacation or break in a sense. I felt so undeserving especially as a short-termer. Many of the long-term missionaries have been here for a number of years, and I fully understand their need to get away, get rest, and fellowship with other missionaries. Apart of me feels guilty for being at a resort- a piece of paradise on the Nile -but these few days have been refreshing and enlightening hearing from other missionaries and what God is doing through them. It was also a chance to reflect and think about my purpose in Africa now and in the future.

I think my rafting experience is so relevant in what I’m reminded of at Conference. There are times when we plunge right into a situation with fear and excitement, and then you are hit and tossed by defeat and discouragement. You just ride it out and catch a breath under the boat to be able to push through and fight the current pulling you away from your task or goal. At times you are exhausted and you need help to climb back into the boat. You need others’ support. Then you look back and realize you have made progress and moved forward even with the obstacles.

The day after rafting, as if I hadn’t had enough thrills and excitement, I decided it would be a good idea to bungee jump into the Nile. Surprise Mom! Im pretty sure she just fainted reading this. It was absolutely terrifying. Honestly, as I stood on the edge of the platform with only a rope and towel (for cushion) wrapped around my ankles, I thought “Why am I doing this?” The Australian instructor explained, “No worries, bungee is 100% safe.” I laughed in his face…and then almost began to cry. My teammate, Ashley, and I jumped together holding tightly to one another as the instructor pushed us off the 145 ft drop into the Nile below. The feeling of falling was horrifying. Falling head first with no feeling of anything catching you is like when you lose your stomach times 1,000. But before I knew it the bungee cord caught me, bounced me around and then eventually lowered me to safety.

This too reminded me that we all fall, we all stumble, and we all feel defeated and discouraged at times. Sometimes taking a risk and jumping out on faith can be horrifying and dangerous. You can be certain (more certain than the bungee cord) that God will catch you and lower you to safety.

Being here in Uganda, I have found myself feeling discouraged and overwhelmed at times. I think it is only normal as I look around at all the need and think of all I wish I could do. Being at this conference, I have been reminded that God is already at work here in Africa. He always has been. We are only joining Him in his work. Surrounded by missionaries who have devoted their lives to these people and this culture, has shown me that they too get burned out and feel like giving up. With God they push through, and its important to sometimes take a breath or two, rest, or accept help from someone. We need each other. Whether we are in Uganda, Africa or Nashville, Tennessee we are like a raindrop in the water creating ripples. The ripples get smaller the farther from the center, so it’s important that we all do our part so that our ripples may overlap and continue to spread. God used average, messed up Peter to create ripples in the water- in His kingdom. The name Peter actually means little stone, and I find it interesting that God used this little pebble to build His church. “Now I tell you that you are Peter, and on this ROCK I will build my church.” (Matt 16:17) God used a little stone to create ripples in the water, and He wants to use us too. When we all contribute, all the raindrops and all the ripples can create a stream—a river—a lake—a source of life and transformation to the land.

a heavy heart

2010-01-03T14:25:00.003-06:00

My team and I are leaving in the morning for Jinja for an AIM conference. We are going a day early to raft the Nile River! It should be intense as they are mostly class 4 and 5 rapids…only mini waterfalls. I am exited to just be on the Nile and experience its beauty. Pray for my team and I on this adventure! We will be spending the rest of the week in Jinja, meeting other AIM missionaries from around the central Africa region. I am hoping to meet up with a friend in JInja- I was a counselor with her at Lakeshore this summer and she is in Uganda at the same time! What are the odds! I also hope to visit Katie Davis (kissesfromkatie) I follow her blog, and she is such an inspiration. I am amazed by her ability to obey God and be a mom to 14 beautiful girls in Uganda. I am hoping to find them and meet this amazing family. I am asking you to pray for our travels and our adventures.

I also have it on my heart to share with you several difficult things I saw this week. On Wednesday, one of my teammates Jessica found a little baby girl lying under a blanket under the pavilion. When she pulled back the blanket she saw her eyes rolling back in her head, and then the older sister came and pointed to the baby's swollen feet. Jessica immediately picked up the moaning child and headed for the clinic. This baby girl, Chulu, is extremely malnourished. She has what they call, Kawasaki, or wet malnutrition. It basically means she is skin, bones, and water. Her feet had begun to swell causing the skin to be stretched and shiny around the feet and ankles. Chulu doesn’t normally come to SMILE- this was my first time seeing her. However, Pastor Ruth shared a story of Chulu- that a missionary who had stayed for several months nursed Chulu back to health when she was an infant. She bought and fed her formula everyday until she was healthy. Chulu is three now and obviously not being cared for. The nine yr. old sister was sent to get the mother to come to the clinic. We had to explain to her the seriousness of Chulu’s condition, and that we couldn’t do anything for her at the clinic. She needed to be hospitalized and receiving an IV. The mother came, but she looked annoyed- she did not want to hear what we had to say. She said to us that she did not want to take her to the hospital- she would rather take her home to die. I can’t even explain to you the heartbreak in hearing those words. How could this mother not want to fight for her child’s life. I do not know her story or why she acted this way, I can only pray that she was responding out of anger and embarrassment.

We just kept telling the mother that her child would die if she didn’t take her to get treatment. God worked on this woman’s heart, and she eventually went to the hospital with Chulu. In the hospitals here, you have to have someone stay with you to care for you. There is not a staff to do that. I know this woman is tired and has other children to care for, so I admire her strength to fight to save her child. Pastor Ruth updated us that Chulu is in the hospital receiving treatment, and Pastor Ruth/Smile is paying for it. Please continue to pray for her recovery and for the mother’s desire to love and nurture her precious baby girl.

On the very next day, I saw something even more horrific. As we were getting ready to leave SMILE for the day, I noticed a crowd of children around a woman. A woman was sitting holding her barely breathing son. He too was malnourished and was showing signs through his swelling feet and hands. He was just skin and bones lying in his mother’s arms- you could see his heart beat out of his chest. This boy looked as if he could only see through one eye and he struggled to lift his head to look at us. The boy’s head looked more mature, but his body was the size of a three or four yr. old. We asked the mother his name, “He is called Nerod and he is nine years.”

It was like nothing I had ever seen- its difficult for me to describe. I had no words. The mother just looked at us for some kind of answer. She looked helpless and exhausted. She said she had tried everything, and he had been sick all his life. She had been in out of the hospital with him, but he wasn’t getting any better. We could do nothing for Nerod at the clinic- he needed immediate attention at the hospital- that’s all the medical advice we could offer. We had to seek advice and help from something much greater- with more wisdom- with more power- with more healing touch than anyone can offer on this Earth for Nerod. We just knelt down and prayed for Nerod. I did not even have words- only tears. All I could do was weep. During the prayer, Nerod reached down and grabbed my hand. It was like he was reaching out to comfort me, to tell me it was all going to be ok.

I am still trying to process what I saw in that little nine-year-old boy, and its difficult to carry when you feel you should be doing something right away to save his life. Its just not all that simple. We did go to find Pastor Ruth and tell her of this boy- she was heartbroken as well. She wants to find him and make sure he gets a fighting chance. I don’t know what will happen to Nerod. We are traveling for the next few weeks and won’t be informed, so I can only pray that God protects Nerod. I can only trust that God will be with him and his mother healing their bodies and their hearts.

My heart is heavy for these children- I hope you will join me in praying for Nerod and Chulu, as well as their mothers. They need you.

A Ugandan Christmas

2009-12-31T17:23:00.002-06:00

Christmas in Uganda is one I will never forget. The Christmas season is so different from in America..I don’t know where to begin. The fact that it is summer makes it difficult for me to comprehend that it’s the holiday season because for 22 years I have associated Christmas with the cold, lots of layers of clothes, snuggling by a fire, hot cocoa, and hopefully a little snow;) Christmas in America means shopping for gifts, wrapping them, decorating the tree and house, cooking special treats, singing songs, going to church services, talking of Santa and Elves… Christmas in Uganda is not so complex…not so busy…not so distracting from the Real celebration.

Let me say that in many ways I missed my American Christmas dearly. I missed the cold weather. I missed decorating the tree and setting up the Nativity scene. I missed the snuggling on the couch with all my brothers watching Christmas movies. I missed my momma’s fudge and homemade bread. I missed my dad reading the Christmas story and The Night Before Christmas. I missed wrapping the presents to perfection. I missed watching Bowl Games with the boys. I missed going to church on Christmas Eve and singing Silent Night with a candle in hand. I missed watching my beautiful niece as she opened all her gifts. I missed spending this season with my family. But a Christmas in Uganda made me realize that so easily we MISS the real reason for this wonderful day…a day of celebration for the birth of our SAVIOR, our LORD, the Son of GOD! (he’s kind of a big deal;)

In Africa, Christmas does not begin in October or November or really even December. At least here in Tororo, my team and I did not see anyone decorating or any signs that Christmas was near. We wanted to begin decorating a little in our home a week and ½ before, and when our landlords saw our red and green streamers and paper chains hanging around the house they laughed and said we were much too early! Early? They said Africans put up their trees on Christmas Eve! Ha. (Those living in town might a little sooner). But they cut off branches from trees, tie them in a bunch, stick it in a box, decorate the branches with balloons and toilet paper, and call it a Christmas tree. So we did just that. And laughed the whole way through.

At SMILE during the week, we were busy preparing a drama and teaching songs for the children to perform on Christmas Day. Try to imagine teaching the story of Jesus’ birth to hundreds of African children (most whom have never heard it) in English, their third or fourth language. It was a headache at times, but well worth it in the end.

We spent Christmas at SMILE with the children. We all arrived in our new Katangis to fit right in with the African traditions. Those that can, will buy themselves a new outfit or wear their best on Christmas. A Katangi is a traditional dress that is usually a two-piece outfit of the same material, and we got ours made by the women at SMILE Women’s Center to support them for the holidays. Most of the children had on their best, though there were some still in rags or not fully clothed. They all just looked so happy- they just knew it was a special day you could see it in their face. I was so happy to be with them and to love on them on Christmas.

Although things took a little while to get going- as most things do in Africa- we did our best to get over 400 children seated under the pavilion and quiet (ha, yeah right). Over 400 more guests and family were expected to arrive for events and food. At times the adults were harder to handle than the children. The drama went so well- they were precious! We had to learn to let things go- keep it simple- go with the flow- its Africa. Ashley had put me in charge of the Nativity animals and baby Jesus- to just make sure they walked out to their place at the right time. I thought no big deal. As Mary and Joseph were making their way to Bethlehem, I look to my right to check on my sheep, hippo, lion, and elephant (we had to use African animals- they looked confused by the thought of barn animals). Who are we to say a hippo and an elephant weren’t hanging out at the stable with Jesus? So I look over and my elephant has disappeared! I turn around and he is a few feet behind me, elephant mask on, pants down, peeing in the grass by the pavilion! At first, I panicked thinking we was going to miss his part and that he just used the restroom in front of everyone…and then I remembered, I am in Africa. Nobody cares. I just laughed. He hurried back and all my safari animals made it to the stable on time. The drama was so cute, and it put things into perspective for me. To not worry about all the little details and making things perfect like we so often do with these things in America. It’s not what’s important. After the drama, we sang several songs in English and Swahili. It was chaotic as well but so perfect.

The rest of the day included a sermon by a Karamojong preacher and lots of traditional singing and dancing. We helped serve all the children, guests, parents, and family lunch. We had rice, posho, cabbage, and meat. Meat is important on Christmas in Uganda. For many, it is the only day they eat meat all year. For Africans, Christmas is a day to do what you wouldn’t do on any other day. They may buy a new outfit, get their hair done, try to look their best, and eat meat. Its kind of funny to watch all the cows, goats and chickens that used to line the side of your road disappear on Christmas Eve. The chicken that lived in our yard “Christmas Kuku” is no longer clucking- its hard to watch all your pets go and know that you’re eating them.

Serving lunch was difficult at times because we had to monitor the adults- as many will bring bags and take several servings of food to take home. But we were so grateful in helping bring a Christmas meal to close to 1,000 people!

After eating, all Africans want to do is dance! They could sing and shout and jump for hours and hours. We could barely keep up. We did jump right in to learn the different tribal dances, and they were so excited to have us be apart of their celebration. It is just so beautiful to look around and see their faces so full of joy and so happy to be alive and dancing for the Lord. They didn’t care about anything else that was going on around them. Christmas in Uganda was humbling. There were no presents. There was no Santa Clause. There were no distractions. It was just simply a day of rejoicing that God sent His Son. My eyes have been opened, and I hope I always remember to celebrate Christmas as the Africans do.

Food Poisoning + Malaria

2009-12-31T17:19:00.000-06:00

I have not updated as quickly as I wanted to about the holidays, but I unfortunately have been very sick. The day after Christmas most of my team and I got sick from eating something- we aren’t exactly sure what? I usually write detailed stories, but for this I will spare you the details:) On top of food poisoning, I had intense body aches and a fever of 102 that lasted over 12 hours. Luckily we have a nurse on the team, and she tested me for Malaria…It was positive. I have to say that this is the sickest I have EVER been in my life- at times it was scary being so sick and so far from home, good healthcare, and my mommy! But God pulled me through and I am feeling much better! I am slowly getting my energy back and feeling more like myself. I am so thankful for my teammates. Ashley and Courtney were thankfully not sick and took care of our every need! They were beyond wonderful to us. It’s amazing how fast you become like family in such a short amount of time.

After being so ill, it amazes me how these people and young children handle Malaria so often and without medication. Although I was so miserable, I knew I had treatment and I knew with time I could feel better. Many people here don’t know what its like to feel better. I experienced a glimpse of what my children at SMILE battle many times a year. They don’t even understand the concept of not working and not doing while you are sick. Its life- you press on- you have to. I admire their strength and have a new understanding.

I just wanted to explain why I was away, and for those who heard word and prayed, thank you! Family, stop worrying. I am alive.

Power in Prayer

2009-12-22T13:12:00.005-06:00

I was in the midst of writing about Christmas in Uganda, but I will have to put that off for something that is on my heart to share with you. I will fill you in on the festivities here in the next day or so.

I am asking you to pray for my children here in Tororo, as well as the children of Uganda. Today, my sweet boy Alapen seemed to be feeling just fine. He was playing and eating porridge like normal. After bath time, I saw him fast asleep on the concrete under the pavilion. I could tell he was sleeping hard, and thought to myself how seldom he gets to sleep like that. While I was holding another baby, Alapen came up with tears in his eyes and as soon as I touched his skin I felt the intense heat of a fever. I could tell he felt miserable. I immediately took him to the clinic, and Stephanie checked his temperature at 103. We tested him for Malaria, and it was positive.

Malaria is so common here and very easy to treat. However, many go untreated, stay sick, and some die because they either don’t know they have it or don’t have the money to pay for medicine. In sharing Alapen’s case, I don’t mean to make his sound any more important than the other children. Many children come through the clinic positive for Malaria. Their older siblings handle their medication, and we pray that they take it properly and begin feeling better. It sounds crazy that these young children are responsible for giving their siblings medication, and we all worry whether or not they are receiving it. Oh course we would like to take them all home and nurse them back to health, but we simply can’t.

As for Alapen, he was sitting in my lap scared and so sick. We were trying to get him to take tablets for fever and Malaria, and he was giving us so much trouble. We were attempting to hide the pills in rice (he never passes up the opportunity to eat, none of them do) and he refused. We soon realized why he was refusing when he vomited all over himself and me. I carried him outside to continue vomiting and my heart was breaking as I watched his tiny body lie in the grass so weak and so helpless. In between getting sick he would just cry, and then I began to cry because he was in pain. We were trying to cool his hot body down with water, and then brought him back inside to rest. We finally got him to take the medicine; I think he knew it would make him feel better. I just sat with him as he lay naked on the table, and I wished so badly to take him home with me. I worried that no one would be there to care for him tonight. I did not want him to be sick and all alone. My heart was broken. I felt so helpless. I wish so much that I could fix them all, make them all healthy, bring them all to a cleaner environment. Thankfully by the end of the day, his fever had gone down and he had gotten some rest. Please pray for my Alapen. Please pray that God will protect him through the night and to give his body the strength to fight.

I also have something very heavy on my heart, yet I cannot share all the details with you. We recently discovered a 7 yr. old girl who is being abused by a boy in her village. The situation was hard to hear, and it was even more tragic to hear that there are probably so many more just like her that we don’t know about. I just ask that you pray for this little girl as she struggles to understand what is going on, for the abuser, and all those other families in the midst of physical, verbal, or sexual abuse. I realize this is not an African problem, but a global problem. So I ask you to pray for all those hurting.

I have another request. For my family, I ask for prayer. My Aunt Diane has been battling ovarian cancer for quite some time, and her body is tired of fighting. I ask that you pray for my cousin, Andrew, his wife and daughter as they have limited time with such a wonderful, loving mother, grandmother and friend. My Aunt Diane is only 57 years young, and its difficult to understand why her body is sick and in pain. I ask that you pray for my family during this time- that God will provide comfort and peace for our aching hearts.

I am sorry to put a damper on the Christmas spirit, but I felt like I needed to ask you to join me in prayer. There is power in prayer. I just ask that you simply add my children and my family to your list. God Bless each of you, and I hope that you are enjoying the holidays with your family and friends!

a sweet, gentle voice

2009-12-17T12:51:00.006-06:00

I am in love. I am in love with my sweet little boy, Alapen. When we first arrived at SMILE, Alapen was withdrawn from the rest of the children. He had this worried old man look on his face all the time. It looked as if he was always in deep thought. He never smiled, never laughed, never played with others, never spoke a word, never showed any emotion except when he would cry…big sad tears. The team was immediately drawn to him, and as he got used to us coming every morning he began waiting at the gate for our arrival. When I would bend down to pick him up he just collapsed in my arms...like he’d been waiting so long to be held…waiting so long to be loved. When you hold him, he relaxes and you can sense that he feels safe. He wraps his arms and legs around you and immediately lays his head gently on your shoulder. He seems so content…like this is where we would like to stay- he is in no hurry to jump down and go play. If you let him, he will stay in your arms forever.

Alapen is considered a vulnerable child. His mother got divorced and remarried. She now has children by her second husband, and does not want anything to do with Alapen. One day, the staff saw Alapen’s young mother walking near SMILE and asked her about Alapen. The mother simply said that he had been acting strange the past month, and she didn’t know what to do with him. She doesn’t seem to care. We asked her how old he was, and she said “three” and went on her way. We asked some of the older children where Alapen slept at night- some say with a neighbor- some say in the street of the village. Alapen is an orphan. He does not have parents caring for him. It angers me to think that this mother wants nothing to do with her beautiful, sweet, gentle baby boy. I don’t understand how she could look at him and not want to wrap her arms around him and squeeze him so tight. I don’t understand how she doesn’t want to kiss all over his cute little face. I lay awake at night wondering if he is safe, if he has a warm place to sleep, if he has food in his belly, if he is all alone crying. I just pray that God protects him and watches over him and then returns him to SMILE the next day.

Over the past few weeks, he has turned into a new little boy. I don’t even recognize him anymore. Everyday we all spend time holding and loving on Alapen (at times I feel I am giving him way more attention than the other children and I feel guilty) With time, he has learned to trust the team. I think just by holding him and letting him know he was loved, he felt safe and protected. It began with a sweet little smile- we all were so excited to finally see his teeth! Then we tickled him and got him to softly giggle- we went crazy for that as well. Over the week, he showed more expression and emotion, and before long we caught him playing with other children and speaking in Swahili to those around. I was still waiting to his voice for myself. Yesterday, I was singing a song in Swahili to a few girls crowded around me, and Alapen was lying in my lap. I love when African children sing- they sound like little angels. The language is so beautiful, and though most don’t even know what they are saying their sweet little lips are praising God…its magical. In the midst of singing, I hear this soft, sweet little voice singing the words of the hymn. Alapen knew the words, and he was singing! The sound of his voice was so precious, so gentle, so loving. I had finally heard him speak and even better, sing. I heard God in that gentle quiet voice, and though it was so small I know God heard Alapen singing and was filled with joy.

I was thinking about how God knows each of our voices, no matter how small and quiet or how big and loud- He knows each one and adores each one. He loves to hear each of his children sing praises to Him. My God is so big and so amazing, yet He knows the voice of little insignificant Beth Ann and soft-spoken, timid Alapen. Not only does He know us, but He loves us beyond what we can even comprehend. God wants you to use your voice. He wants your voice- to sing adoration to Him- to uplift others around you- to stand up for those who cannot speak for themselves- to share His word- to speak truth- to provide hope- to give love.

“So pray, I will keep on speaking boldly for Him as I should.” Eph 6:20

Go Bananas!

2009-12-15T13:01:00.003-06:00

Today was Banana Day at Smile! Pastor Ruth tries to bring the children fruit once a week. Unfortunately this is the first day I have seen the children eat fruit…and what a celebration it was. Pastor Ruth announced, “The Lord has provided fruit!” Several of the staff began carrying out trays pilled high with big, yellow bananas. From a distance I could hear yelling and screaming, and I could see children jumping up and down! They were so happy! You would have thought the circus came into town. I had never seen such a reaction over a banana. It was so humbling. It was so beautiful. I wish they could eat fruits and vegetables every day, but that requires money. That is money they don’t have. I just have to rejoice in the fact that they did receive fruit today, and not dwell on the fact that they eat only posho and rice all the other days.

The children were in such good spirits all day. They look healthier and played harder today. I don’t know if it was the bananas, but it sure seemed like it. One of my babies, Lamorae, is the youngest of four Karamojong sisters. She is malnourished with her tiny arms and legs and bloated belly. She usually lays naked on the concrete floor under the pavilion and sleeps. When I first began holding her she seemed so unresponsive. Many times she was sleeping so hard in my arms that I would lean down and check to hear her breathe or listen for her heartbeat. It’s a scary feeling when the thought runs through your mind…is this baby going to die in my arms?

Her sisters, Maru (6 yrs) and Anilla (4 yrs) are her caretakers. These baby siblings carry her to school on their backs, feed her at meal time, change her, bathe her, hold her if she cries…it is truly amazing to see them be so responsible. For them, this is all they know. The sisters noticed I took interest in Lamorae so every morning I am greeted by the Karamojong sisters as they hand me “my baby”. [For those that don’t know, the Karamojong are a tribe that have traveled down to southern Uganda due to war and a drought. They are known as cattle thieves. Many people in Tororo do not like the Karamojong, and many of the children live on the street and dig through trash to eat. So most of the street children are the Karamojong- the outcast. You can pick them out sometimes by their decorative beads around their necks, waste and ankles.] Just in a matter of a few weeks I can tell a difference in Lamorae. And today on Banana day, she looked so alert and wide-eyed. She looked happy to see me. While Lamorae’s body is already malnourished and behind developmentally, she has been sick with what seems like a cold. In spite of her sickness, she sat up today, and after eating two bananas did not just fall limp in my arms. She is making progress. This baby needed to be held and loved. She needed to rest in my arms and not on the filthy, concrete floor. She needed stimulation and attention. She needs prayer to continue to grow and become healthier. I can only hope for more banana days. I can only hope to see my baby smile and laugh. With love, she will.

SMILE AFRICA

2009-12-14T13:06:00.004-06:00

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

1 John 3:18

My team and I volunteer at Smile Africa Ministries. It is not considered an orphanage because they do not house the children. However most of the children are considered orphans or vulnerable children (meaning they have one parent but may not being cared for). Some of children that come to Smile during the day, sleep in the street or in a nearby village on neighbor's dirt floor. The children walk to Smile each morning- some carrying their younger siblings on their back. Many four and five year olds are carrying their infant brother or sister on their back for miles, and once at Smile they care for their every need. They feed them, bathe them, and hold them when they cry. Many of these children are forced to be little parents- little mommies when they are babies themselves. It’s incredible to watch them care and nurture the small ones, but its sad they don’t know what’s like to be carefree children.

The mornings begin with everyone greeting each other and just slowly visiting friends. Then around ten they are served porridge (basically watered down cream of wheat) No nutritional value at all. It is simply a filler food for their bellies. Many of the young ones are naked or wear rags. Some of them have clothes to wear at Smile, but cannot wear them home because their parents would sell it and send them back naked. The children are washed daily. They line up, strip down, and wash each other from a basin. Its quite chaotic, but the older ones help bathe the babies. They eat rice for lunch every day. For many it’s the only meal they receive, so they wait till ten the next morning before eating again. Their diets consist of posho and rice, so they aren't receiving much nourishment. However, this is better than not eating at all. During the school term they are in classrooms and have more of a schedule. They are on summer break right now, so they mostly just play! My team and I are beginning to teach classes daily and are focusing on the Christmas story for the next few weeks. We are teaching scripture and several songs to perform on Christmas:)

Smile is a ministry that provides a safe place to come, to be fed, to play, and to be loved. Pastor Ruth’s vision began when she saw the number of street children (mostly Karamojong children). She began feeding them, but she was soon stopped by the government as it encouraged more and more street children. She witnessed children dying from starvation and sickness- she had to do something. Smile is only two years old and has a long way to go, but God is at work in this place. We have been observing the past few weeks on how things go at Smile, but Pastor Ruth is open to our advice and help on how to make it a better place for these children. The staff is overworked and exhausted, so we try to relieve them as much as possible. We spend our day helping with food, washing, and most importantly loving on the children. We hold babies, we play games, we sing songs, we dance, we demonstrate love and care for them. It is difficult at times because of cultural difference, especially with discipline and punishment, but we are trying to find a role in teaching them how to discuss their issues and not resort to fighting. It will take time, but we hope to leave a mark. God is at work at this place. He is providing for these children. At times we get discouraged and look around at all that needs to be fixed and improved (as Americans do), and instead we have to look at where they would be if they weren’t at Smile. Sometimes the things we think they need would only make their lives more difficult. The best we can offer is our attention and love- they are starving for it. Smiles, hugs and kisses go a long way.

We are splitting our time between the children’s ministry and the women’s ministry in town. Smile Africa for Women is a wonderful organization designed to help widows and young women who either can’t provide for themselves or have been involved in unhealthy behavior. They come to learn a skill- to sew- make necklaces- make handbags- to sell through the office or at the market. They also set up a savings account to teach them to put money aside for the future (this is a concept many Africans don’t understand due to their "live for today" mentality) Why prepare for tomorrow when you don’t know if you can get through today? We have enjoyed working with these women. We are learning from each other. It is a wonderful opportunity to minister to young women who are at a critical point in their lives. God is at work here as well, and we are willing and ready to join in on God's plans for both ministries. We hope to make an impact as we share our lives and love for Christ.

Q & A

2009-12-13T09:10:00.004-06:00

So we finally got Internet at our house in Tororo! While it is slow and disconnects often, we do have Internet. I’m constantly reminding myself…I’m in Africa.

In the two short weeks I have been here, I already have so many stories to tell! Because I have been away from the Internet, I will spend the next few days catching you up to speed. From now on I will be able to update more regularly.

I’m posting this for all of your questions of where and how I’m living here in Africa. I thought I would just knock it out in one posting. I understand wanting to know this information- especially for those “living vicariously” through me.

Yes, it’s summer here. Africans don’t actually have seasons like we do- Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall. Instead they have rainy season, dry season, rainy season, and dry season. So actually a rainy season is ending and warmer temperatures are setting in. The temperature is perfect here! It stays around 80 during the day and cools down to the 60 at night. It has rained and stormed a few times already, but the sun shines right back through when the rain is gone.

Yes, I live in a house and it’s gated. Here they call it a compound. It just means there is a house (maybe two or three buildings) on the land with a concrete fence surrounding it. We have a guard and a couple that lives about 15 steps behind us. Slivia and Emmanuel are very helpful, as they want to do everything for us! Slivia hand washes our clothes, cleans and cooks for us on occasion. We have running water; however, it is usually not warm or hot. One of the showers has the option of being hot when the electricity is on. My shower does not; however, the cold shower can be quite refreshing. We have normal toilets like in the States. I had heard I might have a “squatty potty” or, in other words, a hole in the ground, but I do in fact have a normal flushing toilet. As for electricity, we have it…most of the time. It goes out every day for a few hours. Most nights we go to sleep with it working- fans and refrigerator running-and then wake up to no power. It is not that inconvenient as we don’t need light much, but the refrigerator is a concern because of spoiled food. All six of us live here- two in a room. We have plenty of space, concrete walls and floors, so it stays pretty clean. The kitchen is a little difficult as we cook on a small gas stove, and washing dishes with dirty cold water isn’t fun.

While I’m talking about water, we buy a lot of bottled water, but it gets expensive so we are having to spend much time going through the following process: We boil water, let it cool, transfer it to empty plastic bottles, refrigerate it to cool it down, before putting it into our individual filter water bottles! We are drinking a lot of water, cleaning foods, and brushing teeth with it, so we need a lot. Just remember how easy it is for you to go over to your faucet and fill your cup with clean water. Not everybody in the world has that privilege. Be thankful.

Yes, I eat. We eat lots of rice and beans! Africa is the land of fruits and vegetables it seems, and we have eaten the best fresh produce. It’s mango season right now, and they are wonderful. The pineapple, apples and bananas are excellent as well! We eat lots of peanut butter and bread, and we also find different ways to eat eggs. These are our sources of protein because it is difficult to eat meat around here. With all the walking and eating less- I should be in the best shape over the holidays!

As for my routine/schedule: First let me tell you of some cultural differences. Africans don’t have schedules- or plans- or routines- or “to do” list. There is no such thing as time. They might not even keep up with what day it is, so time here isn’t important. Unlike in America where we make appointments, try not to be late, make “to do” list to get it all done, planning and scheduling is how we measure our days as productive or accomplished. In Africa, sitting, talking, and having relationships is most important. The rest doesn’t really matter. This is an adjustment for my team as we try to blend with their culture. It can be frustrating at times that things move slowly around here, but it’s also a nice change of pace.

We work at SMILE Africa (daycare/school) Monday- Saturday 8-4. However, we were told to take a day off and time to rest because we will get exhausted and burnt out. We travel to our work via boda bodas (motorcycle taxi). It’s cheap and fairly safe I guess- seeing as they don’t travel too fast due to the condition of roads. Traffic in general here is crazy, so just walking on the road can be dangerous. We also can walk, but it takes a little over an hour to make it into town.

As for language, just here in Tororo there are about 15 different languages spoken. Lugandan, Jap, Swahili, other local/tribal languages and most can speak a little English. Because a large amount of the children speak Swahili at SMILE, we are doing our best to learn this language. I am already picking up on greetings and common questions to communicate with the children. They love it when mazungus (white people) try to speak their language.

In Africa, children aren’t valued. They are the least priority, so many are mistreated. It is difficult to understand and difficult to see, but we are trying to help where we can and try to leave a mark. Even if one feels more loved or one gets fed or one gets clothed or one gets hugged- it is ONE. It can be overwhelming at times, but we have to continue to look forward at what we did do- rather what God is doing! We have to remember that one child we finally got to smile- and not be discouraged by the millions in need- or the continued mistreatment and lack of values in place here.

I just ask for your prayers as we continue to get acclimated and adjust to a different culture. I also ask that you pray for these children. The need is overwhelming. Pray for their health, their hunger, their thirst, their lack of attention, their families and parents, their community, their need for love. Just remember to cherish what you have- whether it is your clean running water or your beautiful little child. Love on people a little more because there is so many that need it.

Sweet Morgan

2009-12-10T15:13:00.004-06:00

Today was the first day I felt alone. I felt like I was on the other side of the world, because for the first time I wanted to be home. I want to be with those I love. I long to be with my Lambuth Family. The Lambuth Family- the Jackson Community- all those who knew and loved Morgan Kelley are deeply hurting.

A dear friend of mine, a fellow Biology student, a senior at Lambuth, a leader to many, a loving daughter, and devoted sister – passed away Monday during an extensive heart surgery to replace her aorta. While we all knew of the seriousness of this surgery, no one dreamed of the outcome. I feel we are all in a state of shock, trying to comprehend the news. For me, I am still struggling to believe its true. It doesn’t feel real.

I wish I could be with you as you hurt- to hug you – and to share with you stories of Morgan. I cannot communicate easily here in Africa, so if you don’t mind I would like to reach out to you in this way. When I think of Morgan, the first image that comes to my mind is of her breaking it down in a Dalmatian costume during all-sing;) She was always hilarious to watch! Another memory would have to involve tromping through Harris Creek in our oversized waders trying to stay dry enough to record some measurement (Morgan and I probably didn’t know what it was we were researchingJ) Every memory of Morgan involves laughter. My times with Morgan were mostly spent in class or lab where she always seemed to make our time more enjoyable. Without her, biology and chemistry would have been such a bore. When I think of her- I smile. She brought so much joy to all those around her- she had a special gift. I think we all at some point wished for her energy and her love for life. Even in the midst of all this sadness, I cling to my awkward, goofy, hilarious moments with Morgan…and in those, I find peace.

I just want to ask for your prayers for her family and friends who feel lost without her. Please pray for comfort, strength and peace during this time of sadness, pain, disbelief and anger as we try to understand how and why this happened. It’s hard to understand how someone so young and so special and so full of life could be taken from this world in a blink. For those of you who are missing Morgan- for those who knew her far better- and loved her better- I am thinking of you and I am praying that God will hold you as you cry and help heal your hearts. Cling to Him for understanding and peace. And continue to tell stories about Morgan – keep her alive and a part of your lives. I can guarantee we each have many memories of laughing with goofy Morgan- so share them. Morgan would want us to continue laughing.

“Praise be the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God…And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.”

2Cor 1:4 & 7

Hujambo!

2009-11-27T06:34:00.013-06:00

(That's Swahili for Hi, how are you?)

My team and I arrived in Entebbe, Uganda yesterday around 4:30pm. We traveled 12 hrs on Emirates Airline to Dubai. I had never been on a plane that large- I was amazed by the amount of space (ten seats across) and the individual t.v. screen on the back of everyone's seat- the girls on my team could tell I don't get out much! We had smooth travel and everything went well with customs/baggage. We stayed overnight in a nice hotel in Dubai. While we were only there for a few hours, it was nice to sleep in a comfortable bed. After a little rest we were back at the airport- making our way to Africa. We made a stop in Ethiopia and then finally to Entebbe. By that time- we were so ready to be on the ground and IN UGANDA!! I was a little nervous about obtaining VISAs and finding our way around, but everything went well:)

Now to the good part. Lawrence, our sweet taxi driver, laughed when he saw the 15 pieces of luggage! He immediately called for a second taxi, "one for luggage, one for girls" He could tell right away we were American girls. I will say that several bags were supplies sent through A.I.M., but I admit we had too much stuff! We think we brought the basic essentials- we think we packed light- but we don't need anything. Ugandans don't. They live simply. I haven't been here long, but I can tell that they don't need "stuff" or possessions to be happy. I am envious of their simplicity.

The 35 min. taxi drive from Entebbe to Kampala was amazing! Words can't describe. I was trying not to blink because I was afraid to miss something. Traffic/roads in Uganda are similar to those in New York- people drive as if there are no rules and no one else on the road! Its not abnormal for the taxi to drive down the middle of the road in between two other cars...it was an experience to say the least. As we passed through town- the road is lined with stores/shacks with food and merchandise for sale. Kids are just playing- running- laughing-it was beautiful. The land is green and full- with rolling hills in the distance...its better than I imagined.

When we arrived at the A.I.M. guest house we were warmly welcomed by staff and WI-FI internet! We were surprised and excited to contact family and friends about our safe arrival. And just when we were missing home and our Thanksgiving traditions- the staff had prepared us dinner...turkey and dressing! So we got to experience Thanksgiving in Africa- and taste a little bit of home. We took a walk around the compound- then settled in to get some rest- we were all experiencing jet lag.

I rested so well in the African air - especially with a thunder storm through most of the morning- and my cold is clearing up...feeling much better:)

We had orientation here at the compound and then walked to the supermarket in town. As we walked down the road children were yelling "who are you? where are you from?" They are so curious...they want to know about Mazungus (white people). When we entered the store three little Ugandan girls yelled for us to wait because they wanted to "escort us". They were so beautiful. The oldest sister grabbed my hand- showed me the way. When we told them we were American their eyes lit up- like we were famous? like we were special? I didn't feel deserving.

Being American- being a visitor- comes with a responsibility. They watch your every move, they hang on your every word, so it is a wonderful opportunity to be an example of Christ.

We are leaving in the morning for Tororo to meet our long-term missionary and get settled in our house. We are traveling by way of the post bus- should take about 5 hrs...to go 115 miles! Roads and vehicles travel a little slower here in Africa:)

We have all enjoyed our stay in Kampala, but can't wait to get to Tororo!

I hope all is well in the states! Remember all we have to be thankful for- we are blessed...and so undeserving. We have an incredible God that loves us...and we all have a responsibility to be examples of Christ no matter where we are. All He ask is for us to love.

~ kwa heri (goodbye)

the journey begins...

2009-11-24T16:35:00.003-06:00

Its official. The countdown is over. I am going to Africa!

My team and I have just completed orientation here in Pearl River, New York (AIM headquarters). After team building exercises, lots of meetings/sessions, packing and repacking to make the weight requirements....we are ready to go! At this moment, we are sitting in the lobby waiting on the taxi to pick us up to begin our journey to Africa.

I am experiencing many emotions as it sets in that we are actually leaving. I am so excited...yet anxious and nervous about traveling- going through customs- getting VISAS- just praying that everything goes smoothly. And if it doesn't...we will get through it. I am just ready to be settled. I am ready to be in Uganda. I am ready to get to know my team better. I am ready to hold the children of Tororo. I am ready to share God's love with the people of Africa.

I don't know if I can express completely what I am feeling- but I'll try. I know I have never been to Africa- to Uganda- nor do I know the people- the children- I do not know their names- what they look like- I do not know who they are....and I love them. All of them. My heart is warm and overflowing with love for the orphans of Tororo. I can't wait for them to know how much I love them, but more importantly how much God loves them!

Please continue to pray for my team as we travel tonight and tomorrow. Please pray that I begin feeling better (I have been a little under the weather here in NY) so that I have the energy and strength to do what it is I need to do in Africa.

I do not know how often I will be able to reach Internet access, but I will blog as often as I can!

Thank you for your prayers and support! I love you all!

My God is cool

2009-11-16T23:21:00.008-06:00

I have been in the midst of fundraisingMANIA! I’m getting pretty good at asking people for money haha. While it has been busy around here for the past few weeks as I plan and prepare to leave, God has been even busier. He has been hard at work- allowing things to fall into place for my trip. I just wanted to share with you a few stories of how cool my God is.

This past week I was out running errands for the upcoming golf tournament this weekend, and I called a dear friend of mine, Jennifer Connelly, to ask her advice/ run something by her. Jennifer has actually been helping me fundraise- giving me ideas- helping me organize several events. I began keeping her beautiful children when I was in High School and have always admired her and how she has raised her family. This past August we realized we had something in common- a call to Africa. The Connelly family is in the process of adopting a baby boy from Ethiopia. I know that this has been on her mind for quite sometime, and I admire her ability to step out on faith, to face the obstacles of adopting in order to bring a child into their loving home. And I can’t wait to babysit- to hold and to love another Connelly kid. (check out my links to The Connelly Adoption Story as well as 2loveorphans.com)

When I met up with Jennifer last Wednesday she was running errands, and she mentioned that a couple from Uganda was actually in town. Her children’s school is partnering with a school in Uganda to help provide sponsors and support for those children and teachers in need. So I jumped in the car and went to meet these wonderful people! Neither Jennifer nor I had planned this meeting, but God was allowing our paths to cross. As soon as I walked up Jennifer explained that I would be leaving for Uganda in a matter of days. They immediately embraced me- thanked me- and within two minutes (not knowing who I was or where I came from) asked me to spend Christmas with their family. They had given me a way to reach them if I needed anything at all….and they meant it. It’s comforting to have a family waiting for me on the other side of the world. My God is cool.

The golf tournament came. I was nervous about the weather, if I would have enough teams, if people would have a good time, if I would make any money. Well the weather couldn’t have been any more perfect. I had my family and friends show up to help (at 7 am!) And I had all my teams and more! At the end of the tournament I was counting and hoping that I had reached my goal of $1200. (this was the amount I needed to send to AIM in order to be financial cleared for my trip) I didn’t reach my goal….instead I went well above my goal! With several generous donations to add I made about $2000! My God is cool.

We simply can’t do it alone. When you hand it over to Him, it is amazing to see how everything falls into place. When you step out in faith, He will provide a way. He is that cool.

fundraising

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Thank you to all who have purchased a t-shirt to help send me to Africa! I picked up the shirts Saturday Oct. 31, and by Monday I was filling out an order form to purchase more. pretty cool. Thank you to my church family and youth group at Jackson FUMC for buying me out. Thank you to all my beautiful Phi Mu sisters for your continued love and support:) Thank you Mom and Dad for helping me throw together a yard sale this Saturday (Nov. 7th at First Christian Church Shelbyville) and a golf tournament next Saturday (Nov. 14th at Blackberry Ridge Shelbyville). I couldn't have done any of this without you!

If you are interested in purchasing a t-shirt, let me know on facebook (BethAnn Carkuff) or through email (bethann_c@hotmail.com). The shirts are $20 ( or $25 to cover shipping, if I need to send it to you). All proceeds benefit Africa Inland Mission.

Please continue to pray for my team and I as we prepare to leave for our trip.

While I'm waiting...

2009-11-05T17:33:00.005-06:00

Last August I started volunteering at First United Methodist Church in Jackson – A dear friend of mine called and asked if I would be interested in leading a small group within the youth group. My first thought…doubt. Was I ready for this? Was I ready to lead these girls- to help them grow- to guide them, when my walk with God had been so shaky- so inconsistent. How could I be an example when I struggled myself to grow with God?

Even with my doubt I began volunteering every Wednesday night, and before I knew it these girls opened up, began sharing with me, and trusting in me. I just fell in love with them! I began worrying about them, praying for them, wishing I could protect them from pain and sadness. I had thought I was placed as their leader to teach them, but what I soon realized was they were teaching me. Those beautiful girls had led me to work on my relationship with God, to awaken my soul, to reach a spiritual high and stay on it. With this growth and new church family I began thinking less of applying to school and more of applying for mission opportunities- something that had been on my mind and in my heart for a long time.

While I began researching the possibilities of missions in Africa- I still had doubt. I had doubt in not applying for graduate school, in not applying for jobs, in not figuring out my career options. I had doubt in abandoning what I thought I should do- what others expected me to do. For the first time I felt I was listening to God, but it can be difficult sometimes to follow a feeling.

I spent many months waiting. Waiting for acceptance, waiting for an assignment, then waiting for a departure date. In waiting I did become frustrated and discouraged. At one point my assignment changed, and it seemed as if things might not work out at all- for quite sometime. I had days where I laid in my bathroom floor crying- asking God what was I doing? If He wanted me to do this- why was it not easier? Why did I have to face so many obstacles? After a few weeks of feeling like giving up- I picked up a book called “Dangerous Wonder” and it seemed to be just what I needed to hear at that time (I recommend reading itJ) The author, Michael Yaconelli, was talking about having childlike faith in order to abandon everything and follow wonder, passion, and calling- even when its dangerous and risky. In this waiting period, I had learned a great deal. I learned the power of prayer. I learned to trust in God to work things out- on His time- not mine. Waiting had reminded me that serving God in Africa wasn’t at all about when and where I wanted to go. Waiting had reminded me that God never said it would be easy or free from obstacles. I am grateful for the obstacles and the waiting because from it came growth. Waiting allowed me to grow closer with God and better prepare me for the journey ahead.

I once heard “God doesn’t call the qualified- he qualifies the called.” I wasn’t qualified to lead those girls in a small group discussion no more than I am qualified to travel across the world to minister to the orphans of Uganda—but I was called. And I am confident He will qualify me.

Thank you!

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To all of you that gave donations, encouraging words, and continuous prayer support THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Without your love and support, I would not be able to carry out what I feel God has called me to do. It has been amazing to see the money pour into my mailbox- and having several donations without ever asking. When I started this process, I did not know how I would raise the money or if I would be able to afford to go at all. With trust and faith that I’m doing God’s work…He is providing a way. He always will.

As for an update on my trip...While my support letter explained I would be teaching school in Tanzania, this is no longer my assignment. I will admit I was discouraged and disappointed for the set back; however, I quickly realized what a blessing it turned out to be! After much waiting and praying I have been assigned to an orphanage in Tororo, Uganda (leave Nov.22). Pastor Ruth, the orphanage’s devoted and loving caretaker is overwhelmed with 400 orphans and is most grateful for any help. Most of these children have lost their families to HIV/AIDS. Among the devastation and tragedy in their lives, I know these children will be anxiously waiting to receive the love my team and I are going to wrap around them. And I’m comforted in knowing we too will receive that love. I hope that you will continue to follow my stories as I begin my journey to Uganda, and please continue to pray for my team and I as we prepare our hearts and minds for this trip. I am still fundraising and will post further details about opportunities to be apart of it. Thank you again for giving your love and your support!

Did I mention I am overflowing with excitement?

The COUNTDOWN begins: I DEPART FOR AFRICA IN 33 DAYS!